How to get your lady to ride with you…
If you are a guy and you ride bikes you want your significant other to ride with you. It makes life so much easier when you can do something you love with the person you love. Not to mention riding bikes is fun and good for you!
The thing is I see guys doing all the wrong things when it comes to getting their ladies out riding and keeping them out riding so here are some tips I’d recommend you try.
Pick a Sporty Lady
For the single guys out there be smart and if you really want to be with a girl that rides make sure you screen for sporty girls when you are dating. If you pick someone that hates to be active you can’t be shocked that she doesn’t want to ride up the side of a mountain - keep in mind when you get unhappy it’s your fault for picking the wrong person not her fault for being a couch potato. I’m not saying you should only date members of the Olympic Cycling Team or someone who has completed 5 Ironmans! But, there are people who like to be active and those that don’t - pick from the first group - or at least don’t complain about it later….=-)
Just one last point she doesn’t have to be a cyclist. If she runs, hikes, backpacks, plays ultimate - whatever it will work out. Cycling is fun, but not everyone has been exposed to it. As long as she equates being active outside with fun you’ll be able to get her on a bike.
Start Slow
Introduce your non-cycling lady to the sport slowly - really slowly - no I mean even more slowly than you were just thinking about! Let me just assure you that the mountain bike trail you think is easy is actually quite hard - you’ve just been mountain biking so long it seems like a cake walk. If you take your lady on that “easy” trail for her first ride she’ll be humiliated and might get hurt - not the way to get her interested in more riding.
Do the following:
- Start on the bike paths even if your goal is to end up mountain biking or road biking.
- First thing make sure the bike is setup well for her. If you don’t have a bike that fits her well or that doesn’t shift/brake well don’t take her riding until you do. Please read that last sentence again. You only get one chance to make a good first impression about cycling. If the first bike ride she does with you is uncomfortable you’ve just dug yourself a huge hole.
- Explain how the brakes and shifters work. It’s not as simple as you think it is so take your time.
- Pick a short ride - 5kms is lots and make sure there is a coffee or lunch break along the way. A romantic picnic in the middle will score you lots of points towards getting her biking…=-)
- Watch her ride and give her a few tips, but not too many. Unless she is about to plunge off a cliff or ride into traffic don’t give her more than one correction/suggestion every 20 mins. If she feels like a moron she won’t want to keep doing it and she doesn’t have to become a great rider on the first ride.
- At the end of the ride make sure you say something like…”…that was a lot of fun for me…I’m really glad we got to spend some time together doing something healthy like cycling…thanks!”
- then ask her how she felt about the ride and listen to what she has to say.
- Don’t setup any huge expectations. Don’t talk about going mountain biking in the Rockies. Don’t talk about 100km road rides. Don’t mention bike touring. Just let her enjoy where she is at and be relaxed without having to worry about being able to do more challenging rides with you.
Let her take the lead
If you didn’t blow the initial ride she now has a good impression of cycling and the two of you spending time together on bikes. Try not to push the cycling thing too much. Hopefully she liked it enough to suggest doing it again. If so let her set the agenda, pick the route, etc… The more she is involved in making decisions the more buy in you’ll get from her and you’ll know she feels comfortable.
If she isn’t making any moves towards cycling again make some casual suggestions about it, but don’t get pushy. Sometimes people just need time to get into something and you don’t want to put her off by always suggesting cycling. One strategy is to let her know you are planning an easy ride and just letting her know she is welcome to join you if she wants. Go for the ride even if she decides not to. That way there is no pressure on her.
Accept Reality
You may have done everything right for her first ride or two and your lady may still not want to ride bikes. If that’s your situation my suggestion is to accept it. Some people don’t enjoy cycling and pushing harder is not going to make it happen.
One possible solution for this situation that may just work is to buy a couple cruisers like Electra Townies. Get one for you and one for her in her favourite colour. Leave it somewhere she will see it and let her know you’d love to ride with her, but after that never say another word about it. Every weekend go out for at least a short ride on your cruiser to grab a paper or some milk, etc… The hope is one day she’ll get curious about the bike and go for a ride - maybe even when you are not home. She might find it’s more fun than she thought and might try riding it occasionally. Of course this may not happen and you will have wasted $500 on her bike - be okay with either outcome. Personally that seems like a reasonable investment.
The other thing to consider is you might love mountain biking and your lady might find cruising on the bike paths is where she wants to be. You have two choices: 1) be bummed and wreck her bike stoke so you two aren’t riding together at all or 2) be happy you get to ride with her and enjoy the time you guys spend cruising. You can always head to the mountains and ride with your buddies.
Working on Skills
I generally don’t recommend teaching your lady how to become a better cyclist. It usually ends in tears. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t help her out or provide any suggestions, but there is a big difference between one or two tips on a 3 hour ride and being her “teacher”.
I’d suggest you do one or more off the following:
- if she likes to read get her a few books relating to the type of riding you guys are doing. “How to” books are great, but also consider books that are more along the lines of entertainment as well. So you might get her a book about “how to” maintain her bike, but then maybe a book about a couple that went bike touring together. Learning how to do something is important, but wanting to do something is critical. Books that tell a story are great ways to motivate people.
- pick up some DVDs about cycling and cycling skills. Don’t necessarily say they are for her. In fact the soft sell of sitting down to watch them yourself might be a better option or just leaving them out where she’ll see them and can watch them on her own.
- if she surfs the web point her to some bike website and forums. Most sites have a woman’s only section where they can chat and share info.
- look for a woman’s only cycling club in town and see if they would be a good fit for your lady. Don’t suggest she join a woman’s MTB racing team! Just because it’s an all woman’s club/team doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for her. Give her the information and let her decide to pursue it or not.
- find an all woman’s cycling skills camp and see if she is interested. If she is register her for it as a present.
- let her know that you’d be happy to help her out with anything she wants to learn. If she comes to you for advice that’s way different than if you decide to teach her something.
- suggest she go riding with her friends. This may mean you need to buy two bikes - one for her and one to loan her buddies. In my world that’s a reasonable investment because she’ll be comfortable learning with someone else at her level - plus doing something nice for her friends is just good karma.
Make sure she has the right gear
Don’t be cheap or condescending when it comes to gear and bikes. How many times have you seen a guy bombing down the trail on a $4K full suspension MTB having a blast and then 5 mins later his GF is trying to get her craptacular Huffy hardtail down the trail looking pissed? I don’t blame her frankly.
Once you’re at the point where your lady has shown a clear interest in riding get her a quality bike. If you want to rock her world get her the next model up from the bike you are riding. Even a new cyclist can appreciate the benefits of high end parts and a sweetly dialed bike. Every time she is at a trail head and somebody rides by saying…”…wow!…nice bike….=-)…” - she’ll be getting more and more stoked.
At the very least don’t let her buy a department store bike and if you ride a full suspension rig make sure she has one also. If she is buying a deore level bike offer to kick in $500 to upgrade her to SLX.
The same applies to helmets, clothing, shoes, etc… If she is riding or wearing crap she’ll have a crap time - this is a proven fact.
Positive Feedback
Throughout this process make sure you let her know how stoked you are she is riding with you. Don’t over do it or say stuff you don’t mean - girls have a spidey sense for BS. Be sincere. It feels good to have someone say nice things to you.
Shut Up and Listen
Your lady is going to be telling you how she is feeling and what she is thinking. If you are talking too much and not listening you’ll miss it. If you are smart and you listen to her you’ll be able to deal with any problems/concerns she has right away when they are easiest to resolve.
Let her drive
Once you’ve got the ball rolling and your lady is getting into cycling it’s easy to get carried away and push things too hard too fast. She is going to improve a lot at first so it seems like doing harder and harder rides is logical, but everyone progresses at different speeds and she may want to stay at a certain level for a while to get comfortable before moving on.
If you are listening to her let her set the pace and determine what kind of rides you can do. If she needs some time to work on skills don’t be disappointed - she’ll read that and either be unhappy or try stuff that’s too hard just to make you happy. Either alternative is bad.
Don’t blame me!
…when your lady asks for the latest carbon fibre wonder bike or titanum upgrades for her ride…=-) Once you get her started there is no way to tell where it will go…=-)
What a great article Vik. Keep’em coming.
Thanks for this article, I’m a certified bike nut and would love for the wife to also jump over to the dark side. I’m bookmarking this for future reference.
This article is right on. Wish I had read it before trying to get my wife into biking. I, of course, did the wrong things, like pushing to hard, giving to many pointers, and picking far to challenging rides in the beginning. To my wife’s credit, she got into biking despite all of my mistakes. She even got an extracycle last fall. I’m pretty jealous (I don’t have one), but hey, she likes to bike. Can’t complain about that. Thanks for the fun read. Had me laughing at myself all the way through.
This is a fantastic article. Thanks! Not long after I got back into cycling, I bought my wife an old Schwinn Breeze and added a basket and a bell. She loves it. She took it for a short spin around the block one day and was grinning like a school girl. About three weeks later, she gave birth to our second daughter. Between that and winter weather, she hasn’t been able to ride since. Meanwhile, I’ve been so fired up at the thought of us wandering around town together on our bikes that I keep dreaming out loud, which surely puts me at risk of blowing the whole thing. So this is a great reminder to shut up and play it cool!
HOW TO GET YOUR GUY TO RIDE WITH YOU
Pick a sporty guy: Most guys are at least a little bit sporty. Some are only interested in beer, computer games, or gossip. Steer away from these and you should be fine.
The main problem you’ll face when getting your guy to ride with you is ego. His. You’ll need to make sure you’ve chosen a guy who can handle the fact you’re better at things than him – he should ideally embrace this and be proud of the fact you’re a better rider than a lot of his friends. Over time he may improve to have greater technical skill and speed than you, or he may not. However, in the meantime you may have to face sulking fits and tantrums if you’ve picked a guy who is a little insecure, or who has an ego that doesn’t match his skill level.
To help reassure him, make sure you intersperse time on bikes with time spent doing things he’s better at as well. And when you’re initially riding together, take it slow. Try to remember not to jump gutters around him, don’t take him down technical trails straight away, and don’t fly through traffic if he’s not used to riding on the road. In general he’ll try and copy the things you’re doing, assuming he should be able to do them too – and when he fails, he’ll get humiliated and frustrated (leading to the afore-mentioned tantrums and sulking).
When you go on road rides together, remember to keep the pace slow – I know you’re happy with your pedals spinning, but if he hasn’t been riding much since he was a kid, he won’t be able to keep it up. If you end up going too fast for him, he may feel the need to prove himself to you, and go sprinting off into the distance, before collapsing exhausted and waiting for you, where’ll you’ll be faced with tantrums about the fact you were going too fast.
Remember that your guy will probably not communicate his feelings with you, whether it be about the speed you’re going, whether he’s tired, or uncomfortable with the terrain. This is because he is a man, and if you are fine, then he feels that he should be too – you will have to ask him questions all the time, and remember to not assume he’ll be ok with something just because you are. Don’t let him jump into stuff that’s too hard for him just because he’s trying to prove himself.
Be prepared for him to blame any short-comings of ability on his bike. He’ll probably want to go out and spend lots of money on a bike much better than yours, as he thinks this will make him a better rider. If he’s really set on this idea, don’t discourage him, it might make him feel a bit more confident. Make sure he picks a bike that is suitable for him, and that it is set up to fit. A lot of guys feel happier if they know how their bikes work, and how to fix it. Explain how the brakes and shifters work. It’s not as simple as you think it is so take your time. Demonstrate how to fix a flat tyre – you shouldn’t have to do it for him, most guys prefer to be able to do tasks like this on their own.
You may have done everything right for his first ride or two and your guy may still not want to ride bikes. If that’s your situation my suggestion is to accept it. Some people don’t enjoy cycling and pushing harder is not going to make it happen. If he hasn’t enjoyed riding with you though, you might try and encourage him to find other guys to ride with. It’s less humiliating when other guys are better than you at a sport, and it’s always a better idea to learn skills from someone who isn’t your partner. If none of his friends ride at the moment, you might need to buy two bikes – one for him, and one for his friend. You can think of this as an investment into the future. If you can get your guy hooked, he could become a bike partner for life.
(My tongue in cheek variant on Vik’s piece - unfortunately based in part on some real life experiences, although my current guy is a fairly reasonable fellow, and thankfully we’re fairly evenly matched in speed and ability, and are planning a grand cycle tour of Europe for this Summer - well, I’m planning it, and he’s happily being dragged along)
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